His grace is sufficient. That phrase has been on my mind all day yesterday and today. We had a special service at my church yesterday morning that was centered around prayer; each song corresponded with a certain type of prayer. Praise and thanksgiving. Confession. Health concerns. That last one was the most meaningful for me. I have, and really have always had, a lot of health concerns. Lately, asthma is definitely the biggest one. It’s basically taken over my life. Our kitchen counter looks like a pharmacy; I am experiencing at least one symptom pretty much every moment of the day; I nearly die during both team softball practices and my private workouts. (By the way, May is asthma awareness month, and I just realized it’s May. So that’s pretty cool.) Asthma cannot be cured; it can only be controlled. During the song meant for prayer regarding health concerns, I was praying about asthma. One of my biggest goals and dreams is to play college softball. I’m hoping by the time I leave for college, we’ll have my asthma more controlled than it is now, because if not–I don’t think I could physically do it. So I was praying, and worrying, and wondering. Doctors say asthma can’t be healed, but God, I know You could heal me if you really wanted to. Do You want to? Why do I have asthma? What do you want to teach me through this? The music portion of the service ended, and I went back to my seat from the keyboard and continued to worry and wonder. Then, at the end of the sermon, something our pastor said made me sit up and listen (like, literally—I’m pretty sure my jaw actually dropped). Get this: God has already answered my prayer, and it’s a yes. He will heal me. It just might not occur on this earth. I’ve been turning that thought over in my head ever since then. Wow. Wow. One day, every prayer will be answered. Just sit and think about that for a minute. It sure made me look at prayer differently.
But back to that phrase. His grace is sufficient. It’s a nice thing to say; it makes a pretty quote for a canvas painting. It’s something that you would save to a Pinterest board or send to a friend if they’re having a bad day. How often, though, do I actually believe it? In theory, His grace is sufficient. In practice, sometimes it’s not. Or, more accurately—it is, but I just choose for it not to be. Somehow, I have the audacity to tell the God of the universe that I want more. I want more tangible results to my prayers, and I want them now. When I think about how small I am compared to God, and how I don’t always believe in my day-to-day life that His grace is sufficient—well, if I were God, I would not have patience with me. But He does, and He keeps giving me grace even if I choose to blunder along my own path and not accept it. I guess He knows that eventually, I’ll figure out I’m wrong and come back to Him.
One day, I will be healed. That’s an amazing thought, and I am so grateful for it. But because I am a human, I have a finite mind, and I tend to focus more on the now than the one day. I’d like to be physically healed on this earth. In fact, it is very important to me to be physically healed on this earth. I have no idea whether that will actually happen. The strange and beautiful thing in this situation is that somehow, inexplicably, I suddenly have peace about it. Or–is it really so inexplicable?
His grace is sufficient. That is all. Let it be enough.