Man oh man. What a beautiful life. This week so far has been full of one-year-old heads covered with blond curls; playing Uno on my six-year-old’s bed; coffee; jokes about asthma (hey, you laugh or you cry, right?); Anthem Lights (my newest music obsession); crashing the forensics class that I’m not even taking just because I wanted to watch their cool documentary (and we drank more coffee, which is always a plus); quiet evenings home alone reading my anthropology textbook and eating Jellie Bellies; trying to figure out how to get IMovie on our computer so I can edit my skills video (help, anybody?!). Basically, just all the good stuff.
One thing I did this week was start looking at the VBS materials. Last year I stepped into the role of teaching music at my church’s VBS along with a couple of other teenagers. Generally, whenever I first hear the VBS music or the songs for our children’s Christmas musical, I think they’re cheesy and lame and could never top last year. But before I know it, they’ve grown on me and I’m obsessed with them (well, and then sick of them. Right now I’m in the obsessive stage, though, so it’s all good). One of this year’s songs is called “Deeper Still.” These are the lyrics:
Below the surface, beneath the waves
Where I was searching, to find my way
You found me
In quiet waters, You called my name
You showed me mercy, You showed me grace
You found me, Jesus, You found me.
In the deep, in the deep
Your love is breathing life back into me
Now that I know how mercy feels, I want to go deeper still
Below the surface, I’m finding truth
A greater purpose, I never knew til You found me
Gosh, how good is that?! This song basically describes my life. It reminds me of “In Over My Head” by Bethel Music, another song that has really impacted me. I was drowning in sin, shame, stress, just generally life without Christ. It was absolutely terrifying in those depths. Then He found me, and everything changed. With Him by my side, the depths are different. The valleys are still valleys, but somehow they don’t seem like it. Now I want to be in those deep places that previously scared me, because I feel the greatest mercy in those times and places. VBS is gonna be good, y’all. Get hyped.
I don’t really know what’s going on these days. There’s a lot of change, but it’s not necessarily bad, which is funny because I used to abhor all change. But I hear Him whisper, I am doing a new thing, and I like it. I journal every day, and lately I’ve been reading back through my entries from last summer and fall. So much has changed, but most of it is for the better. God has put together so many beautiful puzzle pieces in the last ten months. That’s a whole other blog post, though.
Lots of questions are circulating right now. I wanted a job this summer, something part-time working with kids where my schedule could be flexible. But so far, nothing is really coming up. I have a lot of other things going on this summer–a mission trip to Colombia, VBS, and college softball camps, as well as my mom working more–which is why I wanted a flexible job. I’m getting a sneaking suspicion, though, that maybe this summer might instead turn out to be a time when I die to self and hang around the house to help out my family (in other words–no job). Spend some time with my brother, since I’ll be out of the house in a year and a half. (WHAT) Perhaps I’m meant to–dare I say it–relax? Rest? I tend to be a workaholic (except I’m also super lazy, so there’s that. I should be looking at Spanish homework right now, but this sounded like more fun. Thus, here I am). Maybe I need some time to recharge. But I’m still digging in my heels, because I want to continue to have a steady job this summer and I need to be around kids. (No, that wasn’t dramatic. They exhaust me and exasperate me, but I love them so so incredibly much. And I just noticed how many parentheses are in this post. A couple of days ago, I wrote something in parentheses and my six-year-old asked me what parentheses are. It must be a sign: cut them out, Hailey. Just do away with them.)
To sum it up (I’m easily distracted. Aaand here we go again), I’m praying about the whole summer job scenario, and we’ll see what happens. That’s one theme I’ve noticed throughout my journals. There were several big things I was praying for very specifically last summer, and now I’m in the throes of the results, and it’s even better than I thought it would be. Keep praying: it works.
I know a greater purpose, and I want to go deeper still.
“Deeper Still” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWk37fPO_3o